From the Times:
Ignoring Expert Opinion, Trump Again Promotes Use of Hydroxychloroquine
President Trump doubled down Sunday on his push for the use of an anti-malarial drug against the coronavirus, issuing medical advice that goes well beyond scant evidence of the drug’s effectiveness as well as the advice of doctors and public health experts. Mr. Trump’s recommendation of hydroxychloroquine, for the second day in a row at a White House briefing, was a striking example of his brazen willingness to distort and outright defy expert opinion and scientific evidence when it does not suit his agenda.
Script for new TV commercial for Hydroxychloroquine
Mom, slightly dim young son, and slightly older daughter sit around a dinner table. Dinner is almost finished. Dad staggers in front door, dripping sweat and looking feverish.
My goodness, honey, you’re late for dinner! And you look terrible!
<coughing heavily> I feel awful. Chills and fever. I think I might have COVID-19.
Are you experiencing feeling awful? Are you finding it difficult to get through the day due to coughing fits and shortness of breath? There may be a new treatment for you.
Dad, you’re very sick. It sounds like you should get a prescription for Snakeoileum.
Snakeoileum? What’s that, dear?
It’s a miracle cure the President says we should all take if we get the Chinese Virus.
<gasping> Will it work?
It may! Or it may not!
Snakeoileum? That sounds dangerous. Is it safe?
Snakeoileum is the brand name for Hydroxychloroquine. Hydroxychloroquine is an anti-malarial. There is zero clinical evidence that Hydroxychloroquine is effective to treat COVID-19. You should talk with your doctor if you experience symptoms of COVID-19 and you’re considering Snakeoileum. Virtually all health professionals say it’s a really bad fucking idea to take Snakeoileum off-label for this disease. Side effects include death.
Dad, the President says we’re stockpiling Snakeoileum. He says we have 29 million doses!
That’s a lot of doses, sis!
<now holding onto wall to stay upright, gasping for breath>
If…we…have…<coughs> so many… doses… It must help. Right?
The President says he’s not a doctor. But he says you have nothing to lose!
But how do we get this miracle drug, Snakeoileum?
Snakeoileum is currently in the federal stockpile, which is not there for the states to use. It’s federal, so you may need to fuck off. Talk to your doctor. Snakeoileum may be available on the black market soon, or at Trump Hotels. Before taking Snakeoileum, make sure your life insurance is up to date.
Thank goodness our government is looking out for us, stockpiling critically needed drugs! Honey… are you sure it’s not malaria?
-- Josh Piven
I went grocery shopping on-line yesterday. And when I say that, I mean that I stood on line for 45 minutes outside Trader Joes. Helpfully, the sidewalk was marked with painter’s tape every six feet (social distancing: have you heard? It is SO FUN!). As you can see from the photo, I was mistaken several times for the Unabomber. Unlike Whole Foods, the store was fully stocked with actual groceries, including frozen foods (Green Tea Mochi, how I’ve missed thee!), paper towels, and toilet paper. Buh-bye, Target!
Can I be the only one on lockdown who’s desperately afraid of cracking a tooth? I’ve been making stove-top popcorn (the old school way, with oil in a pot) and I find myself going through the popped corn like a miner panning for gold: the single un-popped kernel that will put me in a dentist’s chair for emergency surgery (read: COVID-19 exposure). I'll probably choose to pull out the broken tooth with pliers instead. Safer that way.
I broke down and ordered Disney+ today. And I know what you’re thinking: Is it really possible to watch every single Marvel movie before the 7-day free trial runs out? Possibly. But I have a 13-year-old who had a birthday on April 1—talk about making wonderful videoconferencing memories!—and that’s what she wanted. So, thank you Coronavirus, one more monthly bill for a streaming service!
Apparently my neighborhood Mom and Pop grocery store is now selling disposable surgical masks. Price: $5. It was so nice before the pandemic, when they only gouged for groceries!
Apparently (and I am not making this up) people are lining the insides of these overpriced disposable masks with paper-towels, so they can re-use them many, many times. They’re calling it--wait for it--the Philly Special.
-- Josh Piven
From the Times:
At one of the most perilous moments in modern American history, Jared Kushner is trying to marshal the forces of government for the war his father-in-law says he is waging. Mr. Kushner enlisted friends with glossy entrepreneurial backgrounds to help, [including] Nat Turner, a software entrepreneur who once ran a snake-breeding business out of his childhood bedroom. A senior official described them as “a frat party that descended from a U.F.O. and invaded the federal government.” Kushner has embedded dozens of political appointees and recruits from the private sector in critical spots like FEMA. His “impact team,” as he calls it, has been nicknamed the Slim Suit Crowd.
Jared Kushner: OK: Snake Eyes, let’s call this meeting to order.
Nat Turner: What about the paddling?
Kushner: The what?
Turner: We said all new pledges to the Impact Team get paddled. Part of the initiation ritual.
Kushner: Didn’t we say beer funnels?
Turner: Dude. Funnels are so lame. Plus beer makes you fat. We have these slim suits…
Kushner: True, true. OK, let’s line them up after the meeting.
Pledge #1: Permission to speak, Sir!
Kushner: You are a piece of human scum. <puffs on cigar> Permission granted.
Pledge #1: Sir, yes Sir! I am a piece of human scum, Sir! Sir, Governor Cuomo is saying they are in desperate need…
Kushner: What is your name, Pledge?
Pledge #1: Johnson, Sir.
Turner <snickers>: First name Dick?
Kushner <laughing>: C’mon Nat this is a serious meeting! Listen, Pledge: your Slim Suit pledge name is now... Little Johnson. And don’t lecture me about Cryin’ Cuomo. We are in charge of this crisis, not that d-bag. Anyway doesn’t he have the bug?
Turner: That’s his bro, dude. On CNN. Which totally stands for “Communist News Network!”
Kushner <laughing>: Dude, nice one! <They high five> You’ve got smarts. <puffs cigar> What if I put you on this ventilator deal? I think you could totally kill it.
Turner: Like, get rid of it?
Kushner: No, kill like do good at it. Like be in charge. Make it happen.
Turner: Totally, totally, bro. I’m on it. Let me Google ventilator. Then I’ll take over.
Kushner: Awesome awesome, I like the initiative.
Pledge #2: Um, excuse me…? Impact Team leaders? Permission to speak?
Kushner: Go ahead, shit bird.
Pledge #2: Well, Sirs, I know that you’re very busy with the Middle East Crisis and the Peace Plan and all…
Kushner: Been there, solved that. News flash: Jews win!
Pledge #2: … but I was thinking, like, what if we started calling this thing the Iranian Flu? Like, instead of the Chinese Virus, we, like, re-brand? Aren’t a lot of them getting sick over there? We could put it on the Iranians, and then we have more reason to bomb them later. Like, to “wipe out the virus.” With, like, napalm or some shit like that? Fire kills it, right? The bacterial?
Kushner <nodding>: Smart, kid. Very, very slick. What’s your name, son?
Pledge #2: Bush, Sir.
Turner: Bush? Like… from Yale?
Bush: Yes, Sir.
Kushner: I went to Harvard. Your Slim Suit pledge name is now... Bush League. Listen dudes, we need to wrap this thing up, I have a shitload of evictions to handle, lot of deadbeats suddenly not paying rent in Baltimore. Not sure what’s going on. So here’s the plan. Snake Eyes, you’re gonna get these ventilators made quick, like convert vacuum cleaners or some shit like that. Got it?
Turner: No prob, Chief.
Kushner: Bush League, you’re now elevated to the Impact Team. First order of business: buy a slim suit. Second, you’re on point for marketing and publicity on the rebranding. COVID-19 is now officially Iranian Flu. See if you can work in something about uranium enrichment, too.
Bush: I’m on it.
Pledge #1/Johnson: What about me, dudes? What’s my job?
Kushner: Little Johnson… I've thought a lot about this. You’re too green to have a major role on Impact. So, from now on, just go run FEMA.
Pledge #1/Johnson: FEMA? What’s that, Sir?
Kushner: No idea, bro-handy. Google it. Meeting adjourned.
ABC’s American Idol is supposed to begin airing live performance shows in just a couple of days. But last week, prep work, including rehearsals with the finalists, was suspended, and the contestants were sent home to be with their families amid the escalating coronavirus pandemic. Almost all of the big tentpole formats, from American Idol and Survivor to American Ninja Warrior and The Bachelorette have been hit by the production shutdown. The reality pipeline is, however, not running completely dry.
A number of new unscripted show treatments are now making the rounds in Hollywood,
A clever mashup of The Bachelorette and the film Contagion, this compelling new show features an attractive sub-25 YO women in 14-day quarantine thanks to a positive COVID-19 swab test. She's seeking the love of her life via shouted interviews through a closed bedroom door. Production note: All contestants should be under 70. Just in case.
Comedians In Cars With Corona Getting Tested
In this hilarious new "buddy" show, comedians who have "recovered" (or have they?? ) from the virus drive vintage cars to COVID-19 testing sites on high-security military bases, all the while cracking wise about having to tell jokes with very little lung function. Sure to be a hit with the 18-45 white male demo.
So You Think You Can Leave The House?
You'd better think again, because the cops are issuing $500 citations as contestants try to sneak outside and gather in groups of more than 10 to par-tay! Can the buff lads make it to Lauderdale and throw a blow-out kegger on the beach? If they do, they continue on to the next episode.
The Masked Surgeon
In this suspenseful vote-'em-off, contestants wearing impressive masks (but not that kind) pretend to be doctors in the ER treating COVID-19 patients. The contestants with the most outrageous masks get to make it to next week, with a twist: only if they can get sick patients onto a ventilator in 30 seconds or less! And... there aren't enough ventilators! Truly life or death on this one!
Survivor: New York City
Wuhan's got nothing on the Big Apple as contestants from all over the country are shoved cheek-to-jowl into a Brooklyn (aka Ground Zero) apartment. How will they get groceries? How will they party? And how will the good looking ones pair off when they find out that two members of the group have COVID-19? Each week's winner gets an N95 face mask!
Want to watch two white, rich Hollywood families with no discernible means of supporting themselves do nothing but sit by the pool all day and drink because they can't leave the gated grounds? Of course you do, because you're stuck at home too! And you got no pool.
-- Josh Piven
April Fool's Day greetings, dear Housebound reader!
Today's edition will feature suitably Foolish headlines that we recently encountered. (OK, full disclosure: wish we had encountered.)
President Trump Resigns
Will volunteer in NYC hospital while pursuing nursing degree
Joe Biden Embraces Socialism
Offers nomination to Bernie Sanders in exchange for bowl of warm lentil soup
U.S. Banks Announce Elimination of All Mortgage Interest
Say no need to apply, friends, don't sweat it, program will be automatic
Mexico Announces Discovery of Cure For Corona Virus
Turns out, it's a Corona. With Lime.
All Olympics Discontinued
IOC states "Oops, looks like it's all a big waste of money"
Vice President Pence Found to be Robot
Escaped from set of HBO's WestWorld
U.S. Airlines Refuse Bailout Money
CEOs say "We know we suck. You know we suck. Coach seats now free."
All Giant Cruise Ships To Be Scuttled, Used As Artificial Reefs
Inspired by Titanic, Executives Say
CA Rep. Devin Nunes Says Immigration "Fucking Awesome For Country"
Marries Undocumented Woman, Quits House, Joins OxFam
Comcast To Be Nationalized
Monthly bills to be replaced with Tootsie Rolls
Facebook Announces Purchase of Russia
Country now wholly-owned subsidiary, says Zuckerberg, ads and bots now "part of Facebook family"
-- Josh Piven
From the Times:
Two of the top doctors [Anthony Fauci and Deborah Birx] advising the White House on the coronavirus pandemic went together to the Oval Office with some sobering data to present to President Trump: Even with the aggressive measures in place in to slow the spread of the virus, as many as 200,000 Americans could die during the outbreak. “We showed him the data and he got it right away,” Dr. Anthony S. Fauci, director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, said Monday morning during an appearance on CNN.
President Trump: Alright guys, come on in, let's get this done, I am very, very busy, as you know. I'm behind on my Tweets. We've got a fantastic breakfast buffet in the corner there, help yourselves. Breakfast sausages. Really good. Tremendously meaty.
<Birx and Fauci exchange worried glances>
Deborah Birx: Thanks, Mr, President, we're fine.
Trump <coughing>: You sure? Some melon there for you health nuts! It is the best melon, many people have said.
Anthony Fauci: Mr. President, can we go over these projections? The numbers are looking grim.
Trump: Listen, Tony, Debbie, I know I said Easter. Reopen the country. But I promised Jared: Now it's Passover. We've got to get the synagogues and all the delis open. I am a big fan of the Jews. No one loves the Jew and the Jewess more than me! And I also love pastrami, as you know. And corned beef, that's good too. Not as peppery, but a very good cured meat.
Birx: Mr. President, let me show you this chart. It has projected deaths from COVID-19. Even if we continue with the social distancing...
Trump: What's that, Debbie, a bar chart? Listen, I can't stand those. Too confusing, all these towers, it's very, very bad. They don't make sense. Pie charts, Deb. Much, much better. Much more clear. Plus who doesn't like pie? Nobody. There's nobody who doesn't like pie. Tony, am I right?
Fauci: Mr. President, if you look here, at this bar, you can see that the country may be facing 100,000 to 200,000 deaths over the next few months.
Trump: How many Democrats?
Fauci: What? How many of the potential fatalities will be registered Democrats? Is that what you're asking, Mr. President?
Birx: Sir, we can't know that.
Trump: OK, well how many in New York City? That's close enough.
Fauci: Mr. President, if we could just focus here on the numbers. We cannot possibly open the country by Passover. Or Easter.
Trump: April Fool's Day? Many, many people celebrate that. Major holiday.
Birx: No, Sir, that's in two days.
Trump: So what are you telling me? Forget these complicated "statistics!" <throws charts on the ground>. Just tell me the situation.
Birx: 200,000 people may die. We cannot reopen the country in April. Period.
Trump: OK, OK, Jesus, lady. I get it. So look: the US population is like 1.5 billion. So, in percentage terms, that's still low. The dead, I mean. Like 1%. Or less even, I don't have time to do the math, I'm very busy, but it's not that many, right? Like most of those people would be dying anyway, right? In car accidents and green energy explosions?
Fauci: Actually, just a slight correction, Mr. President, the US population is about 330 million.
Trump: No, Fauci, we're in the billions, not the millions. Trust me. No real country is in the millions, You have to be in the billions, otherwise you're a loser country. Well, China has a few billion, but most of those are peasants, so they only count as like maybe half.
Birx: Sir, with all due respect, we need you to issue an order recommending social distancing through April.
Trump: Debbie, sweetie. I know that the deaths are going to peak right around Easter. OK?
Fauci: You do? How do you know that?
Trump: Because that's what I posted on Twitter this morning. Easter. We're going to time the deaths with the anniversary of the resurrection. That's what will make the best memes. I'll use them on social media. For my campaign. "You died, but Christ came back." It's catchy, isn't it? Like as a slogan? I need the evangelicals.
Birx: Sir, if I could just...
Trump: And one more thing. Let's make sure everyone knows about the emails.
Trump: Hillary's! The warnings about the virus were in the missing emails! That's why we were not prepared! It's Hillary. She's ruining Easter. And Passover.
Birx: Sir, about the closures...
Trump: OK! OK! Man you are a pushy broad. Fine. We'll keep the country closed through April. We'll make your "cure" worse than this CUPID disease. But I want everyone to know one critical piece of information.
Fauci: What's that?
Trump: The back nine at Mar-a-Lago is playable! Now get the hell out of here. And take the melon.
Last night was a treat! Went out for drinks with friends, then out to dinner (Vietnamese: yum!) then to a movie.
Later, I woke up.
How I long for the days when I could avoid people because I wanted to, not because I had to. I spent five minutes at Target waiting for a women to move away from the eggs. Five. Minutes.
After that, I played COVID Chicken: Also known as the "who's going to go first down the aisle?" game.
This is when two people are at opposite ends of a narrow grocery store aisle. Who should enter first? Is it a stand-off? What if we're both shopping for the same item? Say, a bag of rice? (Joke's on us, there is no rice!) Occasionally, one person will "take a lap:" hit a different aisle before returning, hoping the other shopper has finished. (Unless they're reading all the expiration dates on the eggs. Got news for you, ma'am: we're not going to run out of eggs. Hens lay an egg a day, virus or no, Just sayin')
What I don't understand, truly, about the grocery stores is how they have ZERO frozen foods. Nothing. I can understand hoarding ice cream. Fine, get your calories how you wish. But are people really stockpiling frozen lima beans? Is frozen cauliflower now a prepper food? I really don't get it. Never imagined I'd be longing for ice-encrusted spinach, but there you go.
After shopping I took an absolutely surreal walk into town. Why was it surreal, you ask? Because I was walking down the middle of the street. It's like The Walking Dead, but with no zombie excitement. Just... people and their dogs. (And, by the way, a-hole on 17th, COVID is like a snowstorm. The dog shit rules still apply. Pick that crap up, it's not contagious.)
On the way home, I passed this gorgeous little item:
Let's put aside, just for a moment, the fact that the "FREE" sign really should've had an exclamation point, because WOW, what a fucking deal. Let's also ignore the fact that the warranty is probably expired and your home is 100% guaranteed to explode if you install this (yes, kids, note that it's gas, not electric.)
The real question here, in my view, is was this properly cleaned and fully sanitized with Lysol before it was put on the sidewalk? Especially those filthy disgusting knobs?
If yes... well, free oven. Now if only we could find some food to cook.
Recent news reports indicate that both Prince Charles and Boris Johnson have contracted COVID-19.
Apparently, they are quarantined together in Balmoral Castle, in Scotland, and a recording of a recent conversation has gone (ahem) viral. Below is the transcript.
His Royal Highness The Prince of Wales: God I feel bloody awful. Wot!
Prime Minister Boris Johnson: What?
BJ: What? Charlie, what is it? I'm not following <coughing fit>. Christ it's dusty in here, princey. Bloody mausoleum. Can you open a damn window? At least pull the drapes!
HRH: PM, I'm not going to tell you again: you must cough into your elbow. Stop wiping your hands on the bloody sofa cushions. Bloody Eton. Did they not teach you any manners a'tall?
BJ: At least I didn't get my ass kicked at Cheam, you toff! I heard you majored in Asian Flu.
HRH: That was a serious illness. Similar to what we've both contracted this go around.
BJ: Annus Horribilis.
HRH: What's that mean?
BJ: It's Latin. The loose translation is: you didn't go to Eton.
HRH: I did history, archaeology and anthropology at Trinity.
BJ: I rest my case. Anyway look on the bright side of this virus.
HRH: Which is?
BJ: If your Mum gets it, you might actually gain the throne! You know, if you live.
HRH: Indeed. I wonder: would it be awfully inconvenient for you to invite her for tea? And then perhaps have one of your coughing fits?
Laughter is heard.
BJ: Charlie, you devilish sod! Let's hope the tabloids don't hear about that dastardly little plan.
HRH: Is that an email you're typing out?
BJ: And... send! Uh, no, old chap. Just running the old government remotely. Whole of the country is on lockdown, you know.
BJ: Yes, Charles. This virus is serious. People are not able to work.
HRH: You mean like polo? Nobody is able to play?
BJ: No, Chuckles. Work. Jobs. To make bloody coinage.
HRH: I don't follow. Are they not all on the dole? Like myself?
BJ: Nevermind. <coughs, wheezes.>
HRH: If only we were able to easily import life-saving drugs from the E.U. Ahem. But you bloody well solved that difficulty, didn't you?
BJ: Britain for the Whites! <coughs> I mean... for the Britons!
HRH: Let me guess, you were for this virus before you were against it?
BJ: Pro-virus polled well for a smidge. When it was just infecting Siam.
HRH: China. In March, didn't you suggest that we in the United Kingdom "take it on the chin" and then you bragged about it being a smashingly good idea to be shaking hands with everyone?
BJ: Did I? That was so long ago. Who remembers?
HRH: It was during a bloody press conference you twit. And can you please run a comb through that haystack you call hair?
BJ: I wear it this way to hide by big ears.
HRH: You don't say? Maybe I should see your stylist. Would she cut a royal?
BJ: Only if he had it coming!
Laughter is heard, then horrible coughing fits.
BJ: My God man, I'm not sure we're going to make it.
HRH: Don't despair, old boy. This is England. The Yanks will bail us out. They always have before!
BJ: Trump's in charge now.
HRH: We're doomed.
A selection of recent photos...
March 26, New York City, from the Times
New York-Presbyterian Hospital began so-called “ventilator sharing” this week at its Columbia Irving facility, hospital officials said. The technique has worked in scientific studies and was used after the 2017 Las Vegas mass shooting. This is believed to be the first time that it has been used as a long-term strategy.
Transcript of President Trump's press conference announcing new ventilator sharing guidelines.
Trump: Thanks Dr. Fauci. Amazing job you're doing Tony – you look like a Tony, can I call you that? – amazing. Many people have said you're disloyal, not towing the line, trying to get people to believe in "science" – a thing that is very, very important, as you know, not when it comes to climate change: FAKE NEWS! – but my science is very good, very sound, very positive science, not negative science, like yours.
Anthony Fauci <smiles unconvincingly>
Trump: Now, as you all know, that very, very nasty Governor of New York – and I love New York, best city, I have many, many tall buildings there that I own... well the bank owns most of them, but they lent me the money, Deutsche Bank, one of the biggest banks in the world, a very, very good bank, very good, very loyal people there – but this Cuomo – Complainin' Cuomo, as I call him – he's been saying some very, very mean things. About ventilators. Not enough of them, shortage. Tony, do we have enough of these ventilating machine things?
Fauci <smiles, nods unconvincingly>
Trump: We have tremendous stockpiles. Piles and piles of stocks. I'm told there is a strategic reserve of ventilators. With the gold and the oil, we have these air-pushing machines that can push tremendous amounts of air into the lung. Or lungs, some people have two, I'm told. You should see these machines, they are beautiful. We have more than enough. But we're sending them from Texas on a ship, a Navy vessel, so it may take a few weeks for them to arrive. Vice President Pence is overseeing this historic effort. Isn't that right?
Mike Pence: Yes, mein Führer.
Trump: So there may be a short delay in getting these venting (or vending, as I like to call them) machines. But everything is fine, don't worry, if you're watching this from a hospital bed – or chair, people have said chairs are now being used. Which is actually much better for the posture, as I think you all realize – I have new guidelines I am issuing today. Right now. This has never, ever been tried before – well, Obama actually tried it and it was a colossal failure – but we are going to do it. We're going to:
Make America Breathe Again. We're going to make sure that everyone who has lung failure is able to use a ventilator for at least ten seconds per minute.
As I said: This has never been tried before. No one had the courage to try it. But under my orders, if you have this virus – which is not as horrible as people say, many, many people have recovered from this. Not in Italy, but in other countries. It's like a head-cold, really, not even that bad. But if you do have it – and your insurance is up to date, because we must support our very good private insurance companies in this crisis, many hardworking people there – you will be given a small amount of air to breathe. Not too much, because we can't have people abusing the healthcare system, like under Obama. Many, many people were stealing oxygen who really did not deserve it. But if you need air to live, my administration will provide it. Tony?
Fauci: Oxygen is needed for breathing, Mr. President, you're correct.
Trump: So, I'm right, as you just heard, I'm very smart and I understand sciencey things. Sharing ventilators. This is our Normandy. Our Moon Shot. Our Bay of Pigs. And my prediction – and this is just a prediction, but my predictions are usually right, many people have said this – is that by Easter, we will have five people sharing one ventilator. Five. This is a medical miracle. If we all come together, as a people, we can beat this very mild, Chinese virus – the Kung Flu, as I've heard it called–and get the stock market back where it was.
Which remember: it was very, very high. The highest it's ever been. Higher than Obama's.
Thank you, and God Bless America.
A selection of recent headlines (with their sources).
“Do I Need to Stop Sleeping With New Guys Because of the Coronavirus?” (Slate)
Yes, shit for brains, you do. Make a goddamn sandwich and watch porn, like the rest of us.
“Things Suck Right Now, Buy Some Candles” (Daily Beast)
Because you buying candles is going to save 3 million jobs. Soy is best. You know, for the planet.
“Coronavirus efforts shift consumer interest toward booze, guns” (Axios)
GTFO! Really? Booze and guns? Not candles?
“Kentucky Legislature passes controversial voter photo ID bill” (LA Times)
1. Voter suppression efforts: Check!
2. Global pandemic response: Let’s take a vote, shall we?
“Tom Brady Makes It Official, Signs With Tampa Bay Buccaneers” (NPR)
Good. Timing. Tom. Just like when you caught that pass against the Eagles in the Superbowl. Oh, that’s right, you didn’t.
“Princess Cruises had poor track record of illness before coronavirus” (USA Today)
STFU! Really? You’re telling me those 3000-person floating petri dishes may have been dangerous? Norwalk virus wasn’t fake news?
Long-time readers of Housebound (you know, since last week; it just seems like forever) know that here we have an unhealthy--or, more charitably, excessively hygienic--obsession with toilet paper, and potential shortages thereof. Here’s a story showing that we are not, in fact, nuts.
“Deputies pull over stolen trailer full of toilet paper in Guildford Co.” (WECT6 News)
18,000 pounds of toilet tissue, folks. Remember when it was just untaxed cigarettes? How I long for those simpler times.