Housebound - Day 68

Trump's secret weapon. Photo by Karolina Grabowska

​From Politico:
 
Vice President Mike Pence said on Tuesday he is not taking hydroxychloroquine, after President Donald Trump revealed a day earlier he was using the decades-old anti-malarial drug as a preventive treatment for the coronavirus.
 
From the Oval Office Tapes:
 
Trump: Lil’ Mikey, come on in here buddy. How’s that wife of yours? She’s a little pudgy. Many people say she’s a 4. I’d say maybe a 6.
 
Pence: Thank you, Sir. I… think. She’s fine, Mr. President, thank you for asking. Still healthy.
 
Trump: Good, good, can’t have our people with the China virus, looks very, very bad. Like your assistant or whoever that was. She’s sick, right?
 
Pence: My Press Secretary, Sir. She’s recovering. We couldn’t find a ventilator, so we’re using a turkey baster.
 
Trump: Good, good, keep her healthy, attractive women. Shame when they get sick. Melania’s 100% good. I think. I mean, we didn’t see each other before this whole mess, so I assume she’s OK. She looks good, though, right?
 
Pence: She is very… tall, Sir.
 
Trump: Listen, Mike, I want to know why you won’t take this drug, this secret weapon, hydro-something?
 
Pence: I’m sticking with prayer, Sir.
 
Trump: What’s that, some Indian knock-off drug?
 
Pence: No, Sir. I pray. I trust in God. We did that in Indiana, with AIDS.
 
Trump: Did it work?
 
Pence: The jury’s still out, Sir.
 
Trump: Mike, you’re a bright kid, I like you, so I’m going to do you a big favor. I can get you the drug, the hydro. It’s the good stuff. And it’s clean. Not that stepped-on crap you find on K street. Good price, too. It’s pure. Uncut.
 
Pence: Well, Mr. President, I don’t know if I…
 
Trump: You’re not scared, are you, Pencey? My hydroxy-a-something is Grade-A stuff. All the smart people are doing it now. You’re one of the smart people, aren’t you, Mikey?
 
Pence: Yes, Sir, I mean, I don’t really hang with that crowd…
 
Trump: If you want, I could front you a few doses. You sell them, maybe to your staff, and you keep a few for yourself, pay me later. Talk it up to the press. What do you say, Mike? Do we have a deal?
 
Pence: I appreciate the offer, Mr. President. Really. I think I’ll stick with praying to Jesus Christ for now.
 
Trump: You’re making a big mistake, Mikey. There’s a ton of money to be made here. Even more than Trump Steaks. Millions of people are going to need this stuff! We’re going to clean up!
 
Pence: Sir, I don’t think the evidence clearly shows that hydroxychloroquine wards off the virus.
 
Trump: The virus? What do you mean? I take it for hair loss.
 
-- Josh Piven