Housebound - Day After Day After Day

A selection of recent photos...

Pre-Corona Don't Walk Sign

Notice, there's no line of coughing people out front.

Post-Corona Don't Touch Sign

Step 1: Whatever Trump says, do the opposite

March 26, New York City, from the Times

New York-Presbyterian Hospital began so-called “ventilator sharing” this week at its Columbia Irving facility, hospital officials said. The technique has worked in scientific studies and was used after the 2017 Las Vegas mass shooting. This is believed to be the first time that it has been used as a long-term strategy.

Transcript of President Trump's press conference announcing new ventilator sharing guidelines.

Trump: Thanks Dr. Fauci. Amazing job you're doing Tony – you look like a Tony, can I call you that? – amazing. Many people have said you're disloyal, not towing the line, trying to get people to believe in "science" – a thing that is very, very important, as you know, not when it comes to climate change: FAKE NEWS! – but my science is very good, very sound, very positive science, not negative science, like yours.

Anthony Fauci <smiles unconvincingly>

Trump: Now, as you all know, that very, very nasty Governor of New York – and I love New York, best city, I have many, many tall buildings there that I own... well the bank owns most of them, but they lent me the money, Deutsche Bank, one of the biggest banks in the world, a very, very good bank, very good, very loyal people there – but this Cuomo – Complainin' Cuomo, as I call him – he's been saying some very, very mean things. About ventilators. Not enough of them, shortage. Tony, do we have enough of these ventilating machine things?

Fauci <smiles, nods unconvincingly>

Trump: We have tremendous stockpiles. Piles and piles of stocks. I'm told there is a strategic reserve of ventilators. With the gold and the oil, we have these air-pushing machines that can push tremendous amounts of air into the lung. Or lungs, some people have two, I'm told. You should see these machines, they are beautiful. We have more than enough. But we're sending them from Texas on a ship, a Navy vessel, so it may take a few weeks for them to arrive. Vice President Pence is overseeing this historic effort. Isn't that right?

Mike Pence: Yes, mein Führer. 

Trump: So there may be a short delay in getting these venting (or vending, as I like to call them) machines. But everything is fine, don't worry, if you're watching this from a hospital bed – or chair, people have said chairs are now being used. Which is actually much better for the posture, as I think you all realize – I have new guidelines I am issuing today. Right now. This has never, ever been tried before – well, Obama actually tried it and it was a colossal failure – but we are going to do it. We're going to:

Make America Breathe Again. We're going to make sure that everyone who has lung failure is able to use a ventilator for at least ten seconds per minute. 

As I said: This has never been tried before. No one had the courage to try it. But under my orders, if you have this virus – which is not as horrible as people say, many, many people have recovered from this. Not in Italy, but in other countries. It's like a head-cold, really, not even that bad. But if you do have it – and your insurance is up to date, because we must support our very good private insurance companies in this crisis, many hardworking people there – you will be given a small amount of air to breathe. Not too much, because we can't have people abusing the healthcare system, like under Obama. Many, many people were stealing oxygen who really did not deserve it. But if you need air to live, my administration will provide it. Tony?

Fauci: Oxygen is needed for breathing, Mr. President, you're correct.

Trump: So, I'm right, as you just heard, I'm very smart and I understand sciencey things. Sharing ventilators. This is our Normandy. Our Moon Shot. Our Bay of Pigs. And my prediction – and this is just a prediction, but my predictions are usually right, many people have said this – is that by Easter, we will have five people sharing one ventilator. Five. This is a medical miracle. If we all come together, as a people, we can beat this very mild, Chinese virus – the Kung Flu, as I've heard it called–and get the stock market back where it was.

Which remember: it was very, very high. The highest it's ever been. Higher than Obama's.

Thank you, and God Bless America. 

--Josh Piven