Housebound - Day 52

When cruising was... something.

From The Times:
The cruise giant Carnival Corporation said on Monday that it planned to reopen cruising on eight of its ships before the end of the summer.
 
A message from Your Captain
 
Welcome back, Carnival Cruisies!™
 
I know it’s been quite a while since you’ve been aboard a Carnival vessel—except for those who enjoyed our Trapped At Sea™ experience last April—and I want to assure you that the cruise experience you know and love isn’t changing!
 
Much.
 
By now, you’ve been temperature gunned, issued mandatory personal protective gear, installed our state-of-the-art Carnival Contact Tracer™ app, put on your color-coded bracelet indicating test status, and been shown to your stateroom by one of our robotic stewards. As you get settled, you’ll notice a few minor updates to your cabin. That slot at the bottom of your door is for meal trays: all meals will be delivered to your stateroom—within 15 minutes of ordering! Please do not attempt to speak to Carnival staff as they deliver your meals. You’ll see a set of lights above your cabin door. “Red” indicates that others are walking in your passageway, so your cabin door will remain locked. “Green” indicates it’s safe to go out of your cabin. Your stateroom door will unlock automatically.
 
Once out of your stateroom, please note: the elevators between decks have been disabled for safety reasons. Please use marked stairways. If you need assistance, someone will be along at some point with a hoist and winch.
 
You’ll see that our world-famous pools are, unfortunately, now empty. This is for your protection. Please enjoy our Disinfecting Spray-Ground™ where you can cool off and kill any viruses that may have snuck on board! (Please close eyes and mouth while using.)
 
While bars and restaurants have been closed for safety reasons, our new Carnival Carnivore Virtual Cookout™ has been installed on Deck 5. Just head on over, smell the delicious grilled meats, place your order on the tablet computer, and your meal will be brought to your stateroom! What could be easier?
 
A note about entertainment. All shows and casino operations have been closed for safety reasons. But don’t worry: You have a wide selection of movies to watch in your stateroom, and for all you gamblers:  The World Series of Poker will be run in a continuous loop for the next seven days!
 
The weather ahead does look a little rough, so we ask that you remain inside for the next 48 hours as we adjust to a more favorable course (not Asia, we learned our lesson there!) Should you develop a fever: For God’s Sake Do Not Leave Your Stateroom Under Any Circumstances I Can’t Go Through That Again!
 
Have a wonderful cruise!

​-- Josh Piven