From Buzzfeed News:
Governors in Georgia, Texas, Tennessee, and South Carolina have announced plans to allow some businesses to open their doors in the next couple weeks. States said they're eager to restart their local economies, even as new cases of COVID-19 are reported.
Oval Office Meeting
Trump: Come in, guys, I’m very very busy, let’s have this meeting. Take those masks off, that’s just for the press.
Georgia Gov. Brian Kemp: Wow, never been in here, this is swanky.
Tennessee Gov. Bill Lee: Are those chocolates free?
Trump: You can have one after the meeting. Listen, we need to reopen the country in two days. I know I can count on you. What’s the plan?
South Carolina Gov. Henry McMaster: We’re going to test everyone before we reopen.
Trump: For the virus?
McMaster: Nah, swim tests. We’re opening the beaches first.
Trump: Nice, I like it. We need crowded beaches. Social distancing is for blue states.
Texas Gov. Greg Abbott: In the great State of Texas, all our emergency first responders are getting pay raises.
Trump: Doctors and nurses?
Abbott: No. Lifeguards. We have a lot of beaches too.
Trump: Good, very smart, whatever-your-name-is. Make sure they’re tan, too, we want everyone looking healthy. What’s the plan for the sick people?
Abbot: The what now?
Kemp: Sir, let me tell you about this special emergency transportation system we’ve created. We’re calling it the Coughing Coach. We put all the sick people on buses and send them to New York City. For free!
Trump: <laughing> Cryin’ Cuomo won’t like that!
McMaster: Mr. President, Suh, if I could interject?
McMaster: In the Great Confederate State of South Caro-lie-nuh we want to get all the golf courses, country clubs, and whites-only beaches open as soon as possible. Normally, we have a big hankerin’ for fascism and the Klan. But we need to get the fedril guvment off our backs. Get rid of that welfare and all that money ya’ll been dole’n out. Do ya’ll think we could secede again? For ‘ole time’s sake?
Trump: Which Dakota are you again?
Kemp: Sir, the great State of Georgia wants to celebrate the re-opening of America with a big parade, ball games, and bar-b-cues. We’d love it if you could come down and give a big ‘ole speech to a big ‘ole crowd of people. Like old times.
Trump: You mean like… one of my rallies? It’s been so long!
Kemp: Yessir. We’ll keep all the virus spreaders in the way back. With the journalists.
Lee: Now hold on there, pardner! We want to have the first Trump rally! We were the last state to close, so it’s only fair if we’re the first to re-open. Hell, it’s only been like a week. My pulled pork sandwich is still warm!
Trump: Don’t fight boys, you’ll all get your Trumptime, don’t worry, we’re going to open up the country and Keep America Great. Not Great Depression great, the other kind. This Oriental virus will be gone by summer, my medical expert says so.
Trump: No. Fox News.
Lee: Are we done? Can I have a chocolate?
-- Josh Piven