Housebound - Day 33 (34?)
From the Times:
In Florida, World Wrestling Entertainment has found itself among the services considered “essential,” according to Mayor Jerry L. Demings of Orange County. “With some conversations with the governor’s office regarding the governor’s order, they were deemed an essential business. Therefore, they were allowed to remain open.”
Other Florida businesses recently re-classified as “essential” by Gov. Ron DeSantis:
Pickup only, 20 lb minimum.
Because if you can eat it all, Bubbula, it’s not hoarding.
Big Al’s Alligator Farm
We bring the ‘gators to you. What happens after that is your business/problem.
Must be over 80, takeout only. Bring your own Tupperware.
Dinner only. Service begins at 3pm, ends at 4pm.
Sun-spot Tanning Salon
Tanning beds open 9-5
Must be fully clothed, masked, and gloved. No refunds for tan lines.
Disney’s COVID Kingdom
Drop the kids off daily for free testing by a princess
Lines will be really fucking long.
Mom’s Tattoo Parlor
Drive-through only, stick arm out car window. No laser removals.
Jimmy’s Bait and Tackle
Fish in our blow-up pool out back! Catch and release only. Nightcrawlers not included.
COVID-19 is the least of your problems.
Florida Marlins Baseball
Trust us, no one will be sitting within 60 yards.
Cartel deposits only. Cash only. Hours 2am – 4am
Ocean Breezes Motel
Pay by the hour. Kissing not permitted.
Brooklyn Tony’s Deep Sea “Fishing”
Midnight “tours” only.” Cement not included.
See the bottom of the ocean, up close? Fuggetaboutit!
Ronny “Swampy” DeSantis’s Virtual Everglades Tours
Videogame console purchase required. Campaign contribution highly recommended.
All the sites, none of the bites!
Mar-a-Lago “Winter White House”
Re-open? Hell, we were never closed!
Visit South Florida’s newest “hot spot!”
-- Josh Piven
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You know who I am, right? It's in the "bio" section. I'm the guy stuck at home.