Housebound - Day 23

This is not malaria!

From the Times:
Ignoring Expert Opinion, Trump Again Promotes Use of Hydroxychloroquine
 
President Trump doubled down Sunday on his push for the use of an anti-malarial drug against the coronavirus, issuing medical advice that goes well beyond scant evidence of the drug’s effectiveness as well as the advice of doctors and public health experts. Mr. Trump’s recommendation of hydroxychloroquine, for the second day in a row at a White House briefing, was a striking example of his brazen willingness to distort and outright defy expert opinion and scientific evidence when it does not suit his agenda.
 
Script for new TV commercial for Hydroxychloroquine
 
Scene
Mom, slightly dim young son, and slightly older daughter sit around a dinner table. Dinner is almost finished. Dad staggers in front door, dripping sweat and looking feverish.
 
Mother
My goodness, honey, you’re late for dinner! And you look terrible!
 
Father
<coughing heavily> I feel awful. Chills and fever. I think I might have COVID-19.
 
Voice Over
Are you experiencing feeling awful? Are you finding it difficult to get through the day due to coughing fits and shortness of breath? There may be a new treatment for you.
 
Daughter
Dad, you’re very sick. It sounds like you should get a prescription for Snakeoileum.
 
Mother
Snakeoileum? What’s that, dear?
 
Daughter
It’s a miracle cure the President says we should all take if we get the Chinese Virus.
 
Father
<gasping> Will it work?
 
Daughter
It may! Or it may not!
 
Son
Snakeoileum? That sounds dangerous. Is it safe?
 
Voice Over
Snakeoileum is the brand name for Hydroxychloroquine. Hydroxychloroquine is an anti-malarial. There is zero clinical evidence that Hydroxychloroquine is effective to treat COVID-19. You should talk with your doctor if you experience symptoms of COVID-19 and you’re considering Snakeoileum. Virtually all health professionals say it’s a really bad fucking idea to take Snakeoileum off-label for this disease. Side effects include death.
 
Daughter
Dad, the President says we’re stockpiling Snakeoileum. He says we have 29 million doses!
 
Son
That’s a lot of doses, sis!
 
Father
<now holding onto wall to stay upright, gasping for breath>
If…we…have…<coughs> so many… doses… It must help. Right?
 
Daughter
The President says he’s not a doctor. But he says you have nothing to lose!
 
Mother
But how do we get this miracle drug, Snakeoileum?
 
Voice Over
Snakeoileum is currently in the federal stockpile, which is not there for the states to use. It’s federal, so you may need to fuck off. Talk to your doctor. Snakeoileum may be available on the black market soon, or at Trump Hotels. Before taking Snakeoileum, make sure your life insurance is up to date.
 
Mother
Thank goodness our government is looking out for us, stockpiling critically needed drugs! Honey… are you sure it’s not malaria?
 
-- Josh Piven