Housebound - Day 22

I went grocery shopping on-line yesterday. And when I say that, I mean that I stood on line for 45 minutes outside Trader Joes. Helpfully, the sidewalk was marked with painter’s tape every six feet (social distancing: have you heard? It is SO FUN!). As you can see from the photo, I was mistaken several times for the Unabomber. Unlike Whole Foods, the store was fully stocked with actual groceries, including frozen foods (Green Tea Mochi, how I’ve missed thee!), paper towels, and toilet paper. Buh-bye, Target!
 
Can I be the only one on lockdown who’s desperately afraid of cracking a tooth? I’ve been making stove-top popcorn (the old school way, with oil in a pot) and I find myself going through the popped corn like a miner panning for gold: the single un-popped kernel that will put me in a dentist’s chair for emergency surgery (read: COVID-19 exposure). I'll probably choose to pull out the broken tooth with pliers instead. Safer that way.
 
I broke down and ordered Disney+ today. And I know what you’re thinking: Is it really possible to watch every single Marvel movie before the 7-day free trial runs out? Possibly. But I have a 13-year-old who had a birthday on April 1—talk about making wonderful videoconferencing memories!—and that’s what she wanted. So, thank you Coronavirus, one more monthly bill for a streaming service!
 
Apparently my neighborhood Mom and Pop grocery store is now selling disposable surgical masks. Price: $5. It was so nice before the pandemic, when they only gouged for groceries!
 
Apparently (and I am not making this up) people are lining the insides of these overpriced disposable masks with paper-towels, so they can re-use them many, many times. They’re calling it--wait for it--the Philly Special.

-- Josh Piven

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