Housebound - April Fool's Day Edition!

Photo by Julien Dumas on Unsplash

April Fool's Day greetings, dear Housebound reader! 

Today's edition will feature suitably Foolish headlines that we recently encountered. (OK, full disclosure: wish we had encountered.)

President Trump Resigns
Will volunteer in NYC hospital while pursuing nursing degree

Joe Biden Embraces Socialism
Offers nomination to Bernie Sanders in exchange for bowl of warm lentil soup

U.S. Banks Announce Elimination of All Mortgage Interest
Say no need to apply, friends, don't sweat it, program will be automatic

Mexico Announces Discovery of Cure For Corona Virus
Turns out, it's a Corona. With Lime.

All Olympics Discontinued
IOC states "Oops, looks like it's all a big waste of money"

Vice President Pence Found to be Robot
Escaped from set of HBO's WestWorld

U.S. Airlines Refuse Bailout Money
CEOs say "We know we suck. You know we suck. Coach seats now free."

All Giant Cruise Ships To Be Scuttled, Used As Artificial Reefs
Inspired by Titanic, Executives Say

CA Rep. Devin Nunes Says Immigration "Fucking Awesome For Country" 
Marries Undocumented Woman, Quits House, Joins OxFam

Comcast To Be Nationalized
Monthly bills to be replaced with Tootsie Rolls

Facebook Announces Purchase of Russia
Country now wholly-owned subsidiary, says Zuckerberg, ads and bots now "part of Facebook family"

-- Josh Piven