Housebound - Month 2, Day 2

The original Tiger King

Have you been watching Tiger King? Of course you have, because what else is there to to do?
 
I think my main takeaway from the show is this: If you do a shitload of meth, it’s going to be really difficult to eat the expired Walmart meat.
 
Now we know who to blame for throwing the election to Trump: Joe Exotic. If only Hillary had given out campaign condoms, things might’ve been so different…
 
Aside from the fact that Joe Exotic should’ve been jailed by the fashion police long before he went to prison, Tiger King tells a very familiar story: An attractive, fashionable young woman marries a much older businessman for his money, and then is really upset by online bullying. If only she could bury her husband under the septic tank! (You know, allegedly.)
 
I’m not a huge fan of US libel laws, but here’s the thing: If someone has an Internet TV show where they make fun of you by using a blow up doll, named for you, that they first stick a dildo in; then say they want to put a cap in your ass; and then explode said blow up doll with a handgun… well, I’m not a lawyer but that might possibly be damaging to one’s reputation.
 
One sign you’ve been married too many times is that your surname is Schreibvogel-Maldonado-Passage-Exotic-Prisoner#4356896. Someone, somewhere in the gay marriage movement must be asking Is this our fault??
 
I realize that the South is… different. But watching that show, I have to say I have not seen so many white people line up for a tiger show since Siegfried & Roy were at the Mirage (and you know how that one turned out).
 
Meanwhile, the nagging question we’re left with is this: with the COVID pandemic and the massive run on groceries, does Walmart actually have any expired meat left? And, if they don’t, well, who are Joe’s tigers eating now?
 
-- Josh Piven