Housebound - Day 48

The COVID cat nap.

From the Washington Post:
Quarantinis are a meme of this crisis. But relying on alcohol could lead to serious problems.
For many Americans, the days of the coronavirus quarantine have been bracketed by coffee at one end and happy hour at the other. Drinking memes and “quarantini” recipes are everywhere, and off-premises booze sales surged by 55 percent in mid-March as people started turning to alcohol to deal with the stress, anxiety and grief brought on by isolation. But weeks or even months of using alcohol to escape difficult emotions could leave those who indulge with a problem that’s hard to shake once the lockdown is over.
 
Day 1
Dear Diary--
So far, I’m really enjoying the slower pace of Quarantine life, staying up a little later to read my book, getting up a little later, having a leisurely breakfast with Tom and the kids. Pancakes yesterday! I’m like a home-maker now! Hello, COVID, Hello 1954! Last night, while we watched Tiger King, I even had half a glass of white wine… on a Thursday! Very relaxing!
 
Day 2
Dear Diary--
Things have really slowed down at work, and I’m enjoying being able to make my own schedule. We had a Zoom happy hour last night (TGIF!). It went pretty well. Probably shouldn’t’ve had that second glass of Chardonnay, as I skipped jogging this a.m. Oh well, it is the weekend…
 
Day 3
Dear Diary--
Rainy Saturday. Tom and I cleaned out the basement, what a mess. I was so exhausted I had to grab a glass of White Zin at lunch. Then I took a nap and felt better. For dinner we had pasta so we cracked open a nice Barolo. That didn’t last long.
 
Day 4
Dear Diary--
Sunday Brunch! Bloody Marys or STFU, beee-otch! LOLZ. We did a Zoom brunch, so of course we also had to toast with Prosecco! So fun!
 
 Day 5
Dear Diary--
Mon. Day. Back to fucking work. So many stupid videoconferences. Irish coffee in the morning helps. Also: it’s so easy to turn my camera off during meetings and have just a little nip in the afternoon. Makes all these dumb people bearable. Mexican for dinner tonight: Margaritas, woot!
 
Day 6
Dear Diary--
OK, Tom is really starting to fucking piss me off with his constant cracks about my wine consumption. Like, what the fuck, dude? Are you cooking seven nights a week. Didn’t think so. Also the kids: What the hell? Can they maybe do their own laundry for once? I discovered this new drink, a Moscow Mule, it’s really easy to make and they go down quick. Beer chasers, that’s how I roll, motherfucker. OK, gotta go, Zoom book/wine club in five…
 
Day 7
Dear Diary--
Ug, I overslept this morning and missed an important Zoom. Oh well, fuck them, like I have a say in who gets furloughed. Did you know that bartenders drink Fernet because it smells like mouthwash and hides the smell of the hard stuff really well? Totally works, trust me.
 
Day 8
Dear Diary--
Where. Is. The. Fucking. Scotch. Tom that piece of shit bastard motherfucker hid all my bottles. Like he’s some saint! Shit for brains has like two beers a night. And Double IPAs too, not the Session Ales that are like 4.0 IBU. It’s OK though, while he was showering I snuck out and stocked up at the package store. Paid cash so he won’t see the charge. Yeeeah boyeee some bathroom drinkin’ tonight bitches! OK, back to work.
 
Day 9
Dear Diary--
Quick question: Why is Tom such a flaming asshole? He moved out. He took the kids. It’s my fault, I tossed an empty at his head ‘cause he wouldn’t shut up about his sick parents. Mom has COVID? Who doesn’t, Dude? Like I give two shits. Fuck them, his mother hates me anyway.
 
 Day 10
Dear Diary--
Sooooo lonely and crying right now. Nobody loves me and it’s all my fault, I am such a fucked up loser. I swear, Diary, I will never drink again. Not another drop. Ever. I’m going back to running. Tomorrow. I swear.
 
Day 11
Dear Diary –
Fri-day! Have you ever heard of a Whiskey Sour…?
 
-- Josh Piven